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Deciding to run 5 miles in under 30 minutes 

Sending over $7000 to a scammer 

“Cookie Batter is stuck in the immersion blender. I can clear it out with my finger while it’s plugged in. It’ll be fine” — 12 stitches and an ER Bill 

Getting my nipples pierced in Mexico

Trying to throw up in a self flushing toilet. Kept flushing in my face 

My worst decision was going in the middle of the night with my bestfriend to steal road signs 

Taking a sample of a food being cooked at Walmart in Sao Paulo Brazil. Turned out to be a chicken heart, a previously frozen cooked by a Walmart employee chicken heart 

Worst text ever when you’re talking shit about the other person and I texted to them instead oops 

Getting pulled over when I was 15 driving without a license in my at the time boyfriend’s car by my dad who is a police officer…..whoops. he pulled me over because I was speeding big surprise to him and me… 

My biggest mistake was bribing my 6 year old daughter with a pet gecko. Now that is the standard for rewards and I’m losing more and more counter space to terrariums, money to meal worms and crickets, and peace of mind when tanks are left open

Going to the catacombs in Paris with a bad ibs Flare up. No bathroom and no emergency exits. That ended badly

Freshman year I drank an entire 750 bottle of fireball and chased it down with a large Red Bull I ended puking all over myself at a frat toga party. I flipped my toga inside out and tried to keep dancing to my friends made me leave

Thought it would be a good idea when I was 18 to get my nipple pierced. I went without telling my mom, I met her for pizza right after. When I went into the bathroom my entire breast was blue and purple. I at that point all 98 lbs panicked and passed out in the bathroom of the pizza place. Not for long, but I was pale, clammy, and when I went back to the table I told her I got sick and wasn’t feeling well. Called the piercing place to find out they went through a blood vessel cashing essential one giant bruise 

Walking with hands in my pockets after drinking for 7 hours. Chipped teeth still occasionally need to be refixed 40 years later 

My bad idea was getting on the dirt bike my parents, siblings, cousins, and wife at the time said absolutely do not get on because it was a bad idea since I shattered my left shin crashing it into a car a few years prior, finally fixed the bike and broke my right femur the very next time I got on it

The first week of my freshman year in college I went to a frat party and drank 12 beer bongs. I threw up all over the frat house and woke up the next morning in a Chevette. I had peed my pants. I had to go to the hospital and was diagnosed with an inflamed esophagus

WINNER: When I was on vacation in Thailand I saw a sign for a $5 bikini wax. I’d never gotten one before but I love a good deal! Well it turns out you get what you pay for. The wax she used was wayyyyy to hot and burned my you know what! Like real bad too. I scream when she put it on. I had to wear skirts the rest of the trip and could not go swimming. Needless to say she did not get a tip

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