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What My Mom Doesn’t Know About Me

I bought a motorcycle at 16 and hid it from my mom and dad in the shed driving it to school for 4 months before caught

 I got married 2 years before the “real” wedding

 My mom never knew about my 6-inch fairy tattoo on my abdomen

 My mom doesn’t know that my freshman year of college I was a stripper, I would drive from Dekalb to Indiana twice a week

 My mom has no idea we had a huge party at our house when she was in the hospital having her gall bladder taken out

 What my mom doesn’t know about me…. I had breast implants put in 9 yrs ago. She and my family still don’t know

 She does not know that in college my wife was a stripper

 The last summer I was away at college, I spent the night in jail for obstruction of justice

 My mom doesn’t know I went on vacation in Spain alone. I told her it was with co workers for a meeting….

2 weeks after moving to the city I had a little too much fun, got locked out of my new apt so I climbed a fence to get in and fell 8 feet on my face knocking out my front 4 teeth. Didn’t go home for Months healing and getting new teeth

My mom thinks I was a waitress at a Buffalo Wild Wings in college to make some extra money. She doesn’t know that I was actually working at a strip club

 Mom doesn’t know I have a tattoo on my hip. It’s been 10 years and she’s seen me give birth three times. Nurses were nice enough to cover it with a bandana

I was almost 22 years old and my mom still wouldn’t let me get a tattoo so I got “F U” tattooed on the inside of my bottom lip. (Except the full version , not just the F)

My mom doesn’t know that… I met my husband when he was naked

My mother never knew I was a male stripper, she just thought I always had a lot of singles because I was a really good waiter

Winner: My high school boyfriend and I were doing it on my moms water bed and I popped it with my high heels…I blamed the dog

 

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