The Story of The Weird Guy or Girl You Dated

When I was a freshman in college I dated a guy who had piercings everywhere. So many that his nickname was Sponge. My dad met him and the look of horror in his face was something I’ll never forget. I went to Catholic school all of my life and dating Sponge was the total opposite of anyone I dated before. My dad will still bring Sponge up.

My ex NEVER wore shorts or flip flops/sandals. He never used the a/c in the car even though it worked because the T tops on his Camaro were “enough” ventilation. Did I mention he had a mullet in the late 90s?

Dated a guy that wanted me to keep my boots on…no matter what we were doing. He would occasionally sit on my lap and was about double my size. When were out in public he thought it was funny to tell people he had kidnapped me.

I dated a guy who wouldnt let me sit on his bed unless i changed my clothes. Apparently there are ‘outside clothes’ and ‘inside clothes’ and he couldn’t have ‘outside clothes’ touching his bedding.

I usually date scrawny nerds. I went on a date with a muscular hot guy and he spent the whole night trying to get me to rub lotion on his tattoos.

I dated someone who’s whole home was furnished by things they picked up on the side of the road. Nothing matched and they were proud of their finds. 

I dated a girl who thought dinosaurs didn’t exist and it was a conspiracy. She claimed people made molds and planted fake bones in the desert.

I told him I like blueberries and began to receive cartons of them every day. After only one date.

I went on one date with a guy in high school who had an undertaker patch on his backpack. He aspired to be a mortician because he admired the work from when his dad died.

I dated a girl from Kansas… ’nuff said!

This girl I dated felt that acupuncture will allow the devil in ur body.

I dated this chick once that had a foot fetish. I didn’t know and she secretive about it. I once woke up to her sucking on my toes.

Dated a cyclist. He shaved his legs. Wouldn’t take his shirt off while being intimate.

Winner: Only flossed with his nails.

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Adam Lambert