Blog Archives

What Do You Regret Doing At The Holiday Party?

I tried to teach the SVP of Finance how to do a line dance Mooned the entire party So I got into a fight with a random guy at the bar after our holiday party with my coworkers. He exposed himself and I threw him on the ground all while wearing my Christmas suit. Similar to whips last night  Got …

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Your Boss Once Asked You To Do What?

My boss once asked me to pluck his eyebrows Explain to her what masturbation is and I am a man. True story My boss once asked me to sit in his lap if I wanted my Christmas bonus My boss once asked me to come into her office and asked me if it smelled like a fart. She had IBS …

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Santa Cocktail Cruise Drink Name

Key lime yeah glad it’s Christmas?  Gin me santa  Slutty elf  Frosty the Lime Drop  Have yourself a cherry little Christmas!  Lime leg lamp  Tickle my Gin-itles  Oh tanen’bombed  Foggy Night  The sublime Santa  One horse sleigh nip  Fa la la la la la la la sour Shiver Me Timbers!  Pinecone Pucker  Lit for the holidays  Resting Grinch Face  Go …

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Strange Thing That Happened After Your Breakup

She told me that she did not want a long term relationship. One month after we broke up. Found out she got married to her next boyfriend after 2 dates My ex brought over his new girlfriend to Introduce us in hopes that we could all be friends I’m a hairstylist and after my breakup, I received a card in …

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Why Were You Sent Home From Work?

Because I threw up on my first grade student. Literally this morning  I got sent home while working at Chuck E Cheese for being too hung over I was sent home because I used scented soap and it “annoyed” my client. She did say I could shower at her house and continue my day!…I don’t think so!  I got sent …

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Your Craziest Child

Helping my dad birth a baby calf  I was chosen by random to meet Mariah Carey at her album release party in 2002 — I was a sophomore in HS  My underwear melting off  I was 5 years old and wake up early the day after xmas. Our cat had kittens a few days before and i wanted to play …

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3 Words To Describe the Person Who Drove You Crazy On Thanksgiving

The grumpy millennial  The jello general  The slutty aunt Overly single sister The Remote Controller The baked aunt  Fake packers fan  The recluse brother The overachieving cousin  A little demon  The conversation monopolizer  The Cookie Cop Projectile Vomiting Friend  Loud shrill laugher  “the drink waste-er”  The little cougher Hipster tofurkey cousin  The baby snatcher!!  Armchair Quarterback Cook  “The pet feeder” …

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What Are You Thankful For?

Full-day Kindergarten My eyelash extensions I’m thankful for The Bachelor/Bachelorette. For years, they’ve given me something to look forward to on an otherwise dreadful Mondays. I’m thankful that Mariano’s has a bar. I am thankful for dry shampoo and a messy bun and to top it off a McDonald’s large Dr Pepper I’m thankful for big coats and sweatshirts so …

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What Would Make You Ask That?

Do you have any Sexually Transmitted Diseases?  When was the last time you slept with your ex?  So how did your mother die?  “So why did you become vegan?” Instant regret Have you ever had a 3-some? In college, I asked a girl if she wanted to see a picture of my ex? Wanted to say- “Do you want a …

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Hardest Part About Dating

You don’t want to have sex with everybody you’re attracted to, but you also want to make sure they’re good in bed before you commit Going out on a date isn’t hard but finding someone who isn’t an ass hat is hard The hardest part of dating is all the unsolicited D pics…no pun intended I’d say the hardest part …

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