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Text Topic of the Day


Your Co Worker Asked You To…   November 6, 2019

My coworker asked me to feed their fish while they were on vacation for 2 weeks. I passed. Umm can u follow my husband in ur car!! I think he is having an affair The weird favor my boss asked me was to wash her 3 dogs. And I did because I can’t tell my …

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What Secret Are You Hiding?   November 1, 2019

I’m pregnant!!!! I can finally tell someone!!  My neighbor made a pass at me at my husbands 60 bday party  I have never told my wife, but in college before I started dating her, I ended up having a wild night with her best friend. To this day …

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Name Chips, Dip and a Mexico Trip 2020!   October 29, 2019

Chips Dip and a Mexico trip “Muy Loco” Sangria showers  Chips, Dip, and a Mexico Trip, BITCH!  How about Chips Dip and a Mexico Trip – La Gente Caliente!  Get away from my guacamole Chips dip and a Mexico trip… DIOS MIO!!!  Ur mom …

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One Word To Describe How You Get It On   October 9, 2019

Neurotic Godlike  Woooof Yowzaaa  POWERFUL  Zippy Caveman  Sloth  Methodical  Functional  Bouncy  PSYCHEDELIC  Euphoric  Spicy  Cocky  Jackhammer  Whoopie!!  Delivered  Ass-toun …

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WORST DECISION EVER   October 2, 2019

Deciding to run 5 miles in under 30 minutes  Sending over $7000 to a scammer  “Cookie Batter is stuck in the immersion blender. I can clear it out with my finger while it’s plugged in. It’ll be fine” — 12 stitches and an ER Bill  Gettin …

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How Did He Win You Over   October 1, 2019

When he told me He wanted to open up a dog rescue  When we first started dating I told him I had a daughter and he said I would never try to be her father but I would love to be her friend…. he had me sold  When he chugged a beer in a nice …

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Dating App Gone Wrong   September 27, 2019

Met on tinder. He stole my wallet, went on a shopping spree downtown. Also bought himself a flight to LA, needless to say he never got on the flight My husband and I met on a dating app. 4 years later we hired a babysitter on a babysitting app and when …

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You Once Thought   September 25, 2019

I used to think there were there sharks in Lake Michigan  My college roommate thought that buffalo wings were made of buffalo meat  I thought a adult bookstore was an adult library Thought for a long time Guns & Roses paradise city lyrics …

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Your Office Gossip   September 12, 2019

Gossip that the new girl is sleeping with our boss  The current gossip at our work is that our boss is pregnant  Some positive gossip: the strong rumor going around is that the managing partner at my firm is giving every employee and their fa …

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Your Goals   September 9, 2019

Goal: spend a year by the beach and write a book. The book would either be biographical fiction or a parenting inspirational book Become a realtor, and take over Chicago west suburb market I would love to be a pornstar  10 years ago i told my wife …

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Someone Shared Your Secret   September 6, 2019

My future cousin in law who I was friends with told me all the details of my SURPRISE wedding shower. Why, idk…So I had to act surprised. Although I totally knew My mother told my son’s father that I named our child after my ex-boyfriend Being tagged …

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You Once Thought   September 3, 2019

I wants thought that no matter what direction I was facing it would always be north I thought Washington DC was in Washington State When I was a kid I thought turn signals turned on by themselves and knew where you were going1 I thought that the band w …

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My Boss Is An Idiot   August 19, 2019

I once got in trouble for not telling my boss that I sent him an email Paints her nails at her desk She was giving me my yearly evaluation and said to me”I’m not even sure what you do” When my boss’ boss asks him a question, He immediately looks at one …

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What Are You & Your Partner Complaining About?   August 12, 2019

TOO. MUCH. POKÉMON. GO. He takes too long to poop! We can never agree what to watch on Netflix! So we usually end up watching 2 shows in 2 separate rooms! Always calling me weird made up names like cheeksen, short legs, gobble and then, or cheeks and b …

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What’s Stressing You Out At Work?   July 24, 2019

The fact that there is a bird attacking a bug in front of my window at work and the bug is screeching Working with my ex fiancé everyday!!! Ugh I’m stressed out by my office mate constantly sighing like she’s exasperated My boss eating KFC at her desk …

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Best Romance Advice You’ve Been Given   July 22, 2019

I was told in 6th grade to spell your name while French kissing Do the alphabet on her Using Diet Coke as a liquid spermicide! You need a straw! Kiss the pelvic bone / hip automatically turns women on My step dad told my now husband a perfect park benc …

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What Happened To You In Vegas?   July 17, 2019

Lance Bass cried on my shoulder I saw a pregnant nun with her boobs out  I got yelled at by a wizard  I had to carry my drunk wife from tao nightclub back to the hotel and I almost fist fight with one of the hotel security guys who was checki …

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You Heard What?   July 16, 2019

I heard Mountain Dew lowers sperm count I heard if you cross your eyes, your eyes will stay crossed. I never tried because i was scared they would stay that way I heard that eating the crust of a sandwich gives you curly hair  I was told by a high …

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What You Miss About College   June 26, 2019

The night life and dating  Never having to pay for beer at a party (because frats, duh)  The wild women  Being able to go out on a Tuesday night and not deal with a crowd  Setting my own curfew  Scheduling classes around naps T …

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Unsexy Things   June 25, 2019

Change diapers! Forget to shave When his fingers smell like fish (he’s a fisherman)  Mis-pronouncing words?  Waking up with morning breath & farting Dirt in nails  From a breastfeeding mom: When my husband washes my “pump parts” …

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Your Company Has Lost It   June 19, 2019

I was eliminated from my position because I didn’t know where my coworker went after she left  They had to hold a meeting for all the men about not peeing on the toilet seat and floor and not cleaning it up To cut costs my company started limiting …

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Strange Fantasies   June 10, 2019

I always think about what neon color my G wagon would be if I won the lottery. It’s really hard to pick  Running away to be a bartender in key west Winning the lottery and with the money I’d work my way to my lifelong dream of becoming and actress …

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I Blame My Parents For…   June 6, 2019

I blame my parents for raising me in a cult  My stuffed bear obsession  My OCD about my teeth  I blame my mom for never wearing a seat belt  My long skinny toes  My sister and 2/5 grandchildren have shopping problems “I want it …

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You Quit Your Job Because?   June 5, 2019

I worked at a pizza place for 2 days. I quit because we had to slide the order ticket on a wire that crossed over all the ingredients. I couldn’t do it  Hooked up with my boss at the Christmas party and then he made it weird….. I quit my job as …

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What Joke Should Pat McGann Ask At His Show?   May 31, 2019

Have you ever tried to eat a clock before? Its very time consuming What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? WA-TAAAAAA  2 pretzels were walking down the street, one was assaulted/a salted My really uncomfortable poetic joke… Roses are red Candy is swe …

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