Text Topic of the Day


Question You Once Got Asked In An Interview   March 20, 2019

How do you make an omelette Interview question: if you had to be a tree what type of tree would you be and why? If there was a movie produced about your life who would play you and why?  I was once asked if I watch Game of Thrones and what episode …

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The Best Toast You’ve Ever Had!   March 18, 2019

May the best of your past be the worst of your future!!! “Heres to you, heres to me, and friends we’ll always be, if not F*ck you heres to me! Here’s to nights that become mornings, and friends that become family “Here’s to tall ships, and small ships, …

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Your Rude Girlfriend Moment   March 11, 2019

When my gf said “I didn’t think a girl your size could pull that off, but you did!” Uhhh….thanks for the compliNOT! One of my “best friends” set me up with one of her friends to date and then was telling him how awful of a person i was and tried ruin …

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You Were Drunk Where?   March 8, 2019

After a long night of drinking I woke up in my best friends sisters sons nursery room I sleeping in his crib  In a field under the power lines in Florida In the hallway of the hotel I was staying at using drapes from the window as a blanket I ende …

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Gross Habits!   March 6, 2019

I like to smell my toenails after i clip them Scratch in my ear and smell it I like the weird smell on earrings when you pull them out your ear I LOVE popping pimples. So much so that I bought a professional blackhead removal kit. I actually stopped cl …

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Your Office Prank   March 5, 2019

One time I put those “pop it” firecrackers under the toilet seat lid. I set it down lightly so the next time someone sat down, it would make a huge bang Put my bosses’ office furniture up for sale on Craigslist and listed his # for people to call and p …

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How Rock Bottom Did It Get?   March 4, 2019

I lost two jobs within a week of each other So my brother hit rock bottom. He is 32 and moved to Arizona. Told us he was working in sales for CDW then in March we lost contact with him. Long story short we didn’t hear from him for 9 months. Parents had …

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Your Spring Break Story   March 1, 2019

Falling inside dolphin pool first vacation with my fiancé I got fake engaged for free drinks Bartender in Cancun brought us to brothel instead of club Fell asleep on a bus. Woke up in Tijuana School baseball trip. Coach got caught with hooker I punched …

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Why Are You In The Dog House?   February 28, 2019

Hubby found my secret drunk amazon orders I’m in the dog house because I went out for sushi ALL. BY. MYSELF! Apparently we had a sushi code I had no idea existed I gave my wife’s Girl Scout cookies away because she said she wanted to lose weight I’m in …

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You Did It Where?   February 22, 2019

On the brown line While it was moving A dentist chair in the dentist office On top of a fire truck Haunted House I did it in Lifetime Fitness dressing room The field museum  Did it in a police station  The 5th green of Royal Melbourne Country …

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Your Unrealistic Goal   February 20, 2019

Make it to the NHL and play for the Blackhawks Opening my own aquatic facility Own a dance studio and store To marry one of the Hemsworth brothers Unrealistic goal: give up sugar Be best friends with Taylor Swift! I want to do a full Ironman in my 40’s …

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Shameful Secret!   February 19, 2019

I sent x rated pictures to my mother in law and she liked them My most shameful secret is when I was dating a guy whose parents were in charge of keeping the church clean we did the deed in the minister’s room where he gets dressed I purposely got preg …

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Pre-Date, What Did You Find?   February 18, 2019

Found out the girl I met was in Maxim magazine because she dated a tennis star I found out That he had been in federal prison for embezzling money through different businesses and I also found his wedding registry for his upcoming wedding in two months …

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Uber Drivers, You Heard What?   February 13, 2019

My husbands an Uber driver and he told me about this woman who was extremely talkative to the point he couldn’t get a word in edgewise. All of a suddenshe got very quiet. Then she started looking all around the back seat. He asked her if everything was …

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Problems I’m Dealing With!   February 12, 2019

I accidentally gave my Daughters School property lap top to Goodwill.. I NEED TO GET IT BACK Chicago rats chewed through my car wires….. For the second time My puppy brought all her toys outside and now she has nothing to play with because they are n …

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The Most Uncomfortable Conversation You Had   February 11, 2019

Had to talk to an employee about complaints I was receiving regarding their body odor My parents having the sex talk with me when I was in college and I spent most of the time correcting them on facts Ask my mail lady to stop going #2 everyday in the b …

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You Had A Meeting About What?   February 8, 2019

A meeting to tell us to make sure we spray the bathroom air freshener up instead of down because it makes the floor slippery and someone could slip. Also to not use our cell phones in the bathroom A meeting on how to conduct a meeting  Yesterday w …

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Called In Sick And Got Busted!   February 6, 2019

Busted on tv at cubs home opener I was younger at the time and we work for a cell phone company. My coworker and I went out and got drunk so we called in and said that we got into an accident so we can come in little did they know that we hit the light …

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Your Silly Marriage Problem!   February 5, 2019

We have a beautiful crystal chandelier in our foyer. I love it when it is dim. My husband likes it turned all the way up so that it can be seen from outer space The seasoning my husband uses in the new Insta pot makes me gag and he won’t stop using it …

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Your Unexpected Kiss   February 4, 2019

THE WINDOW WASHER…  I am a nurse and I was hugging a patient’s family member and they leaned in and kiss me and it completely took me off guard it was a little awkward At a family gathering I got sneak attack kissed by not one but two of my husb …

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My Poor Decision   February 1, 2019

Worst decision ever…deciding to shape/pluck my own eyebrows…did it when I was a young teen -and didn’t know better…years later still kicking myself because I have like 6 eyebrow hairs left  Decided to join the convent knowing I was gay and d …

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What Should We Do In Cold On Wednesday?   January 28, 2019

Blowing bubbles outside to watch them freeze almost instantly Throw hot water instantly vaporizer Could Whip’s nipples cut glass? Remember the water throw challenge ? Take hot water and toss it on the air and watch it turn to ice Pop a water balloon ou …

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I Get Hit On By….!   January 25, 2019

I’m a magnet for men missing teeth… young and old. Never fails. All my friends husbands!!!  My girlfriend’s parents  I get hit on by divorced dads over 50  Little kids & Dogs My sons friends  I get hit on by the old creepy dud …

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Strange Demand At A Wedding   January 22, 2019

The bride asked us all to cut our hair short so she could be the one with long hair for that day  Bride gave us all matching underwear…well intended, but super weird  My sister in law asked my Dad to get a spray tan for the wedding At my si …

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What Did You Get Suspended For?   January 16, 2019

Put a Twinkie on my classmates chair  I lit a fireball in chemistry my junior year and burned off my lab partner’s eyebrows I was suspended for 2 days in 8th grade for calling the vice principal a bastard I got suspended for driving my car with so …

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