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Text Topic of the Day


What Happened To You In Vegas?   July 17, 2019

Lance Bass cried on my shoulder I saw a pregnant nun with her boobs out  I got yelled at by a wizard  I had to carry my drunk wife from tao nightclub back to the hotel and I almost fist fight with one of the hotel security guys who was checki …

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You Heard What?   July 16, 2019

I heard Mountain Dew lowers sperm count I heard if you cross your eyes, your eyes will stay crossed. I never tried because i was scared they would stay that way I heard that eating the crust of a sandwich gives you curly hair  I was told by a high …

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What You Miss About College   June 26, 2019

The night life and dating  Never having to pay for beer at a party (because frats, duh)  The wild women  Being able to go out on a Tuesday night and not deal with a crowd  Setting my own curfew  Scheduling classes around naps T …

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Unsexy Things   June 25, 2019

Change diapers! Forget to shave When his fingers smell like fish (he’s a fisherman)  Mis-pronouncing words?  Waking up with morning breath & farting Dirt in nails  From a breastfeeding mom: When my husband washes my “pump parts” …

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Your Company Has Lost It   June 19, 2019

I was eliminated from my position because I didn’t know where my coworker went after she left  They had to hold a meeting for all the men about not peeing on the toilet seat and floor and not cleaning it up To cut costs my company started limiting …

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Strange Fantasies   June 10, 2019

I always think about what neon color my G wagon would be if I won the lottery. It’s really hard to pick  Running away to be a bartender in key west Winning the lottery and with the money I’d work my way to my lifelong dream of becoming and actress …

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I Blame My Parents For…   June 6, 2019

I blame my parents for raising me in a cult  My stuffed bear obsession  My OCD about my teeth  I blame my mom for never wearing a seat belt  My long skinny toes  My sister and 2/5 grandchildren have shopping problems “I want it …

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You Quit Your Job Because?   June 5, 2019

I worked at a pizza place for 2 days. I quit because we had to slide the order ticket on a wire that crossed over all the ingredients. I couldn’t do it  Hooked up with my boss at the Christmas party and then he made it weird….. I quit my job as …

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What Joke Should Pat McGann Ask At His Show?   May 31, 2019

Have you ever tried to eat a clock before? Its very time consuming What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? WA-TAAAAAA  2 pretzels were walking down the street, one was assaulted/a salted My really uncomfortable poetic joke… Roses are red Candy is swe …

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What About Me Besides My Boobs Does He Really Like?   May 30, 2019

That ass Your Teeth That sweet sweet ass  Your mothering Temperament Her Costco membership Armpits She unclogs the toilet for me She has a lot of money!! Also her eyes change colors depending if we’re outside or inside Her ability to make a mean b …

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FOMO   May 28, 2019

missing my sons first words/laugh due to being at work  Not seeing Twenty One Pilots at Lollapalooza I have fomo about taylor swifts new tour for her new album (that isn’t announced yet). im used to going to multiple tour dates for taylor swift ev …

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I Didn’t Know   May 24, 2019

No idea Elton John sang Benny and the Jets. I thought Benny and the Jets were a band singing about themselves I had no idea how much it cost to take the bus  I never went into a dollar store until the past year when my friend brought me. I had no …

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Man Gossip   May 22, 2019

My friends boyfriend had a sex dream about me when I was pregnant My friend is married and is having an affair with another man Gossip about each other’s beards/facial hair Every Wednesday a customer of mine comes into the bar and says not to say anyth …

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I Was Asked This In My 30s   May 21, 2019

I told the butcher at the grocery store that I just got (re)married and he asked if I can still make babies I had shared my news that I was expecting is and the secretary asked me if my pregnancy was intended Wow, your 20’s must have been rough My frie …

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Quirks Your Learned From Moving In   May 16, 2019

Kept their clipped toenails in a jar on their nightstand  His toothpick obsession!!  They gagged every time they brushed their teeth  I had no idea that she experienced night terrors, including leaping out of bed, pointing to the foot of …

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First Date Question   May 15, 2019

When was the last time you threw up? You like snakes? Are your boobs real? How many people have you slept with What are your red flags?! What Teenage mutant ninja turtle is most like your personality? Have you ever been arrested? So do you like dirty j …

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What Makes You Strange   May 13, 2019

I’ve always wanted to find a body in the woods  I collect skulls and bones  I teach my husband math lessons in my sleep. I dream I’m teaching and sleep talk the lessons to him I can’t stand gum, I won’t touch the packaging, I won’t touch the …

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TMI!   May 10, 2019

When I was a teenager I asked my mom about sex. Her answer was the human body is disgusting, don’t ever talk to me about it again! My oldest son told me that the nanny of my best Friend was the bestsex he ever had We taught my mom what the shocker is.. …

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A Fight Between   May 6, 2019

Cardi B and Miley Cyrus  Thanos and Darth Vader  Katy Perry – Taylor Swift  Kelly Clarkson versus Adele  Pink & cardi B Pink and Halsey  Billy Ray Cyrus vs lil nas Carrie underwood and Miranda Lambert  Paul Rudd and a …

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Adulting 101   May 6, 2019

Hardest thing about being an adult is budgeting your money  You are not special  Hardest thing about being an adult: making plans with friends! Constant scheduling conflicts!  Yard work and laundry suck  It is hard to find a job you …

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Your Issues   April 30, 2019

Chafing issues Sinus Issues  Baby momma issues  I have I’m broke issues  I have my dog eating all my underwear issue I have frog issues  I have doormat issues  Feet blister issues Sexual frustration issues Feeling Trapped  …

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What’s The One You’re Not Telling Your Husband?   April 26, 2019

I don’t tell my husband that hes a lousy kisser He has horribly gnarly toes with gross nails I really hate your family. All of them I told my husband straight up that I don’t like the cologne that he loves so much. It reminds me of my uncles and older …

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Your Strange Flirty Texts   April 23, 2019

He told me I might look like a potato but I’m a hot potato and he can handle the heat I’m bold and hot like you. Meet for coffee? I’ll give you an allowance for your time. The guy wanted to get my opinion on something so I said sure shoot whats up. He …

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Random Shower Thoughts!   April 17, 2019

Playing guitar in the rain at an outdoor festival with 50k in attendance Shower thought: How much water I am wasting and what can I do about it Why does bread lose its identity when it becomes toasted now it’s just toast A car is just a moving room wit …

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You Never Want To Hear It On A First Date   April 10, 2019

I take Viagra I forgot my wallet My two passions are magic and Dungeons and dragons He came from a rich family. He took me to his neighborhood and said … you don’t know where you are, do you?? You remind me of my sister Oh you’re a nurse? I think I n …

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