Text Topic of the Day


What Did You Get Suspended For?   January 16, 2019

Put a Twinkie on my classmates chair  I lit a fireball in chemistry my junior year and burned off my lab partner’s eyebrows I was suspended for 2 days in 8th grade for calling the vice principal a bastard I got suspended for driving my car with so …

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The Dare You Took   January 15, 2019

Paid off a bet by getting a haircut at my barbershop wearing an Eagles jersey and a pink thong Performed madonnas like a version on a lunch table to win a slice of pizza Dared my 10 YO nephew to ask Frank Thomas to dance Gangnam style. He did. There’s …

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A Regrettable Night You Had   January 14, 2019

Woke up with one eyebrow!! I got so smashed that I couldn’t find the bathroom, in my own apartment, and ended up peeing in a pot in the kitchen  I went out with my friends downtown and when we went back to my friends apartment for the night I walk …

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What New Years Resolution Did You Already Give Up?   January 11, 2019

Stop using the F word all the time, quit that lmfao Celery juice challenge…. only made it through 2 days I gave up drinking at midnight on Nye but at 12:05 am on the first I was doing body shots of tequila on the girlfriend in front of her grandparen …

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The Line You Used To Get Out Of A Bad Date   December 19, 2018

I have a bladder infection “Oh my god! I just sharted!” My friend got arrested and needs me to bail him out I used to be on call and make friends page me when on bad dates to leave. They couldn’t try to make me stay because then they’d look like the a …

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What Does Your Significant Other Always Brag About?   December 18, 2018

They brag about having a million pairs of Okley sunglasses  Cycling and how strong he is at cycling every single day!!! He’s one of those guys that gets into his outfits and has the expensive bike with the skinny wheels and leads the pack My boyfr …

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Your Odd Holiday Tradition   December 17, 2018

We have fondue fest on Christmas Eve- Cheese, regular, and chocolate  Family malort shot We all watch Talledega Nights the ballad of Ricky Bobby Scavenger hunt for the final present  We wrap the kids door ways in wrapping paper so the kids ca …

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What Do You Regret Doing At The Holiday Party?   December 13, 2018

I tried to teach the SVP of Finance how to do a line dance Mooned the entire party So I got into a fight with a random guy at the bar after our holiday party with my coworkers. He exposed himself and I threw him on the ground all while wearing my Chris …

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Your Boss Once Asked You To Do What?   December 7, 2018

My boss once asked me to pluck his eyebrows Explain to her what masturbation is and I am a man. True story My boss once asked me to sit in his lap if I wanted my Christmas bonus My boss once asked me to come into her office and asked me if it smelled l …

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Santa Cocktail Cruise Drink Name   December 6, 2018

Key lime yeah glad it’s Christmas?  Gin me santa  Slutty elf  Frosty the Lime Drop  Have yourself a cherry little Christmas!  Lime leg lamp  Tickle my Gin-itles  Oh tanen’bombed  Foggy Night  The sublime San …

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Strange Thing That Happened After Your Breakup   December 5, 2018

She told me that she did not want a long term relationship. One month after we broke up. Found out she got married to her next boyfriend after 2 dates My ex brought over his new girlfriend to Introduce us in hopes that we could all be friends I’m a hai …

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Why Were You Sent Home From Work?   November 28, 2018

Because I threw up on my first grade student. Literally this morning  I got sent home while working at Chuck E Cheese for being too hung over I was sent home because I used scented soap and it “annoyed” my client. She did say I could shower at her …

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Your Craziest Child   November 27, 2018

Helping my dad birth a baby calf  I was chosen by random to meet Mariah Carey at her album release party in 2002 — I was a sophomore in HS  My underwear melting off  I was 5 years old and wake up early the day after xmas. Our cat had ki …

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3 Words To Describe the Person Who Drove You Crazy On Thanksgiving   November 26, 2018

The grumpy millennial  The jello general  The slutty aunt Overly single sister The Remote Controller The baked aunt  Fake packers fan  The recluse brother The overachieving cousin  A little demon  The conversation monopoli …

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What Are You Thankful For?   November 20, 2018

Full-day Kindergarten My eyelash extensions I’m thankful for The Bachelor/Bachelorette. For years, they’ve given me something to look forward to on an otherwise dreadful Mondays. I’m thankful that Mariano’s has a bar. I am thankful for dry shampoo and …

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What Would Make You Ask That?   November 14, 2018

Do you have any Sexually Transmitted Diseases?  When was the last time you slept with your ex?  So how did your mother die?  “So why did you become vegan?” Instant regret Have you ever had a 3-some? In college, I asked a girl if she want …

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Hardest Part About Dating   November 9, 2018

You don’t want to have sex with everybody you’re attracted to, but you also want to make sure they’re good in bed before you commit Going out on a date isn’t hard but finding someone who isn’t an ass hat is hard The hardest part of dating is all the un …

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Best Coach Q Moment   November 6, 2018

When he grabbed his crotch at a bad call That one time where he almost smiled The coaches stasche twitter feed All of his visits to Lurie Children’s. I still am honored he took time to visit my son and other sick kiddos despite a busy schedule  Th …

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You Just Don’t Find Sexy   November 5, 2018

Benedict Cumberbatch Adam Driver! Tom Bradys wife Kris Bryant! Ryan Reynolds- He has a flat face, his head is shaped like a foot, and his voice makes me cringe Winner: Cameron Diaz

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Worst Thing You’ve Done For Money   November 2, 2018

Gained 30 lbs My friends bet me that I couldn’t go a week eating anything but Blizzards from Dairy Queen (besides water which I was allowed). They had a pool going and I ended up winning $400. Did it no problem My college roommate was always really str …

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Men Like It When…?   November 1, 2018

Laugh at their bad jokes Pop, Lock-it, Drop-it ! Men really like it when i Let them win…. at bowling or playing sports…. Men really like it when I can hold a political conversation without a bias Give then a really cheesy pick up line. Something li …

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What My Mom Doesn’t Know About Me   October 31, 2018

I bought a motorcycle at 16 and hid it from my mom and dad in the shed driving it to school for 4 months before caught  I got married 2 years before the “real” wedding  My mom never knew about my 6-inch fairy tattoo on my abdomen  My mom …

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What Is The Biggest Fear People Have In 2018?   October 26, 2018

Fear Of Drinking Polluted Water 

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What’s The Secret He Doesn’t Know About You?   October 24, 2018

The smell of my farts could kill a small child My secret is that I have to put deodorant between my boobs. They’re big and they sweat and it’s like having a third armpit …he doesn’t know I made out with mark wahlberg when he was marky mark Whenever h …

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Strange Thing Your Friend Asked You To Do   October 23, 2018

My friend asked me to check out her hemorrhoid. I actually did haha In high school one of my best friends asked me to help her out a tampon in for the first time. I helped her! Buddy text me at five in the morning asking if I wanted to go for donuts… …

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