The things you probably shouldn’t tell people about your relationship

We have been married for 13 years. Have had sex twice in the past 10 years.

She calls me my friend’s name when we have sex, and I call her her friend’s name. We’ll never tell anyone, 

My husband has hemorrhoids again.

My husband and I have never slept in the same bed.

I was having an affair with my current husband for 8 years while married to my first husband.

That my wife wears the pants

We only do it on our couch. Where everyone and anyone who comes over sits. We think it’s funny.

Named my legs Christmas and Joy so we can talk openly about our desire to spread Christmas and Joy this season. We giggle on the inside and it goes right over everyone’s head.

I re-tuck him in every morning when I leave for work.

My girlfriend owes me close to $2500 and that might be the only reason I’m still with her.

Fastest way to take my hubby from not in the mood to let’s get frisky is to bite his right butt cheek.