If you had to write one honest line about yourself in a dating profile, what would it be?

I’m three quarters of the way to being the 40 year old virgin.

I would rather go places by myself than go with you

I don’t look good naked

I’ll probably never love you as much as I love myself

If there’s no booze, I’m out

I’m relying on the hope of your standards being lower than mine.

If you put a bag over my head, I look like a supermodel

I’ve logged way more hours on Netflix than at the gym.

I will only stay faithful to you a month or so.

My life revolves around my dog.

I will encourage you to eat and drink a lot so I can feel skinny.

Ever dated a millionaire? If not, I can help you keep the streak going

I turn the buttons on the stove for the burners 12 times to make sure they are off

I show my affection by insulting you.

I’m a creepy sleeper since my eyes don’t fully shut.