I don’t mean to brag but…

I don’t mean to brag, but it’s so hard to pick what to wear when my closet is so full of clothes that have gotten too big.

I don’t mean to brag, but people always think I am Matt Damon when I go out to bars and restaurants.

I don’t mean to brag but I’m currently working from home and still in bed.

I don’t mean to brag but I can do 13 non-consecutive pushups

I don’t mean to brag but my Level 7 Dungeons and Dragons character can skydive onto pterodactyls

I don’t mean to brag but I told my daughter when she was little the ice cream truck was a music truck. She didn’t find out ‘til elementary school.

I don’t mean to brag but it gets really annoying when people ask me if I’m 18 when I’m turning 30 this year!

I don’t mean to brag but I can hold my pee for 16 hours…woohooo

I don’t mean to brag, but when i’m at the taco bell drive thru placing my order, i don’t even look at the prices

I don’t mean to brag, but I drive with two feet like a boss.

I don’t mean to brag but I can stick my shoulder blades out like a gargoyle

I don’t mean to brag but I was the captain of my high school cheerleading squad… 10 years ago

I don’t mean to brag but I touched Dave Grohl’s shoe.