Blog Archives

What Is The Sexiest Thing A Guy Has Said To You

I can’t wait to power wash your insides. I was told that I’m a decent human being with a great butt. Honey, I cleaned the bathrooms today. My husband told me that I was like bacon because I make everything better. You Taste Like Champagne. Can I buy you mozzarella sticks? Those eyes could melt an iceberg. Just relax and ... Read More »

What Would You Tell Your Best Friend…But Not Your Significant Other?

OMG my friend knows every guy I slept with if my husband knew the total he would have never married me. Channing Tatum is single!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That I have naughty dreams about my brother-in-law. I can discuss rogue nipple hairs with my bff. We talked about whether or not I should dump him because he was too small. Told her but ... Read More »

A Lie You Told/Were Told On the First Date

I once told a guy that my grandma invented the Shamrock Shake for McDonald’s and that’s why she was so rich. I don’t know what possessed me to make that up. My soon to be husband told me his mother was a chef ….. turns out she cooked for a school. 21 years old and in the navy when he ... Read More »

Random Compliment You Received

I’ve been complimented for my ability to park in the tightest, hardest to fit spaces. My 11 year old son told me that I make the best instant mashed potatoes. I was once told ” you know, your name is Brittany, and you have blonde hair…but you’re actually very smart!” You are as strong as an ox! A guy once ... Read More »

Rudest Thing a Female Co-Worker Said To You

Woman: I like your dress. Me: thanks! It’s from target. Woman: Yes, I can tell it’s not of quality. Me: blank stare. “You don’t measure up to the guys in my group”. Coming from my woman boss! A coworker pointed at my chest and asked “are those real?” I told her yes. Her response “they just don’t look right on ... Read More »

When I Realized It

I noticed in the Nissan commercials when they put their website name up, www.nissanusa.com, that the word anus is in there. I never not see it when their commercials are on now. I noticed that Common looks like Frozone from The Incredibles. He probably is in real life. I notice while sitting on the toilet that the wood grain on ... Read More »

The Story of The Weird Guy or Girl You Dated

When I was a freshman in college I dated a guy who had piercings everywhere. So many that his nickname was Sponge. My dad met him and the look of horror in his face was something I’ll never forget. I went to Catholic school all of my life and dating Sponge was the total opposite of anyone I dated before. ... Read More »

How Does Your Co-Worker Drive You Crazy?

When the whole team replies to all on emails simply say thank you. Every day. Almost every email. Scraping the yogurt bowl after it’s all gone. The sound drives me BONKERS!!! Only having one bathroom and being on the same deuce dropping schedule. When the new employee tries to tell you what to do or how to do something. Everyone ... Read More »

Most Awkward Person You Would Take To Mexico?

Well since my wife is pregnant she is out, so I would take her hot sister. My boss – not on good terms due to issues at office – we r not speaking. I would take my ex husband of 28 yrs. I would bring a bridesmaid that I don’t talk to anymore. My softball rival Sara. Woof. I would ... Read More »

Worst Parenting Advice?

Only God decides when you’re done having children. You won’t use math much in the future but you will need cursive writing – so practice that. The tooth fairy takes their teeth and gives them to babies that don’t have teeth… I used to think that every baby with a new tooth is mine… Worst piece of parental advice – ... Read More »