Text Topic of the Day

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What’s the last drunk text you sent or received?   March 24, 2017

When I was drunk, I accidently sent a text to literally my entire contacts list “I want pizza! Get me pizza!” There’s panties in my back seat and Arby’s sauce on my door handle. So much for a Volvo bringing out my classy side. Kathy and I saw sexy Jesu …

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What did he do to impress you?   March 17, 2017

I dated a guy and every time he came to pick me up for a date he was driving an extremely expensive car. Each date it was a different, nicer, more expensive car. Turns out he was a valet at Butler National Golf Club. He did a headstand in an ice cold b …

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What do you need to apologize for?   March 10, 2017

For peeing in the hamper again. I need to apologize for blaming her for my farts while we sleep I need to apologize for continuously spending my husband’s money after he told me to stop 🙁 I can’t help it I need to apologize to my boyfriend for wanting …

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What’s something you lied about doing but didn’t actually do?   March 3, 2017

Said I graduated from DePaul to get my job. I didn’t even go to college! I can’t draw at all, but in 3rd grade I won a nationwide poster contest for Earth Day. My mom drew it for me. When the NFL draft was in Chicago I walked around in my nicest suit a …

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What’s your embarrassing gym confession?   February 16, 2017

My first day with the personal trainer at the gym he accidentally hit me with his junk on my face as he was spotting me on the bench. Just 2 weeks ago I was walking out of the gym with my new gym crush walking out behind me. I confidently hopped off th …

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What does your significant other not want the world to know?   February 3, 2017

My husband was convinced that he had testicular cancer because one of his balls is bigger than the other. The doctor told him it was normal but he still walked around for a week convinced he was going to die.   She burned the house down as a kid …

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What’s one thing that you haven’t been honest about in your relationship?   January 24, 2017

How much her parents unannounced visits at dinner time bother me.  My hubby has no idea what I spend at the casino. $40 is my answer anytime he asks what I lost or won…”only $40 honey!” We always talk about how beautiful our baby is…I think we …

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What do you love about yourself?   January 16, 2017

I love that my arms are muscular as hell even though I have man boobs and a beer gut. I love the dimples at the curb of my lower back My well groomed nose hairs I have all of my teeth, and they are relatively clean. I love that my farts don’t smell! I …

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What is the best you sent after a great one night stand?   January 6, 2017

Repeat?  “Hey I forgot my hat in your car, can you bring it over” Let’s meet for breakfast or lunch. (Its always a good text when they offer you food) Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am! When’s the last time you got checked Let me know when you’re ready …

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What were you doing at midnight to ring in the New Year?   January 5, 2017

Cleaning vomit out of my two year old’s crib, the wall, and the heater vent. Rewatching the Mariah Carey FAIL Hiding from an ex in the bathroom at Gibson’s at midnight I started my new year off with a bang 😉 I was stuck in a White Castle’s bathrooml. …

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Why are you on the naughty list?   December 20, 2016

I’m re-gifting about 75% of the gifts I received from last year so I don’t have to go shopping! Hooking up with a guy named Grimur All year I TOOK a penny and never LEFT a penny I took my sons’ candy from Halloween and blamed my husband for taking it. …

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The things you probably shouldn’t tell people about your relationship   December 13, 2016

We have been married for 13 years. Have had sex twice in the past 10 years. She calls me my friend’s name when we have sex, and I call her her friend’s name. We’ll never tell anyone,  My husband has hemorrhoids again. My husband and I have never s …

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What is one question you’d like to ask a guy?   December 9, 2016

Why are your hands always in your pants? (this was asked by 7 people) Is when Harry Met Sally saying true? Can guys and girls be just friends or with her always be some underlying possibility? Question for guys. On a first date, do you think we should …

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What happened when you lost the bet?   December 8, 2016

I had to wear a bikini and shave half of my beard and walk around for an entire day while being on vacation in Mexico When the Cubs won my co worker who is a huge Indians fan has to dress up for the day in Cubs gear. I had to donate a ridiculous amount …

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What’s your job confession?   December 6, 2016

I often take naps in the bathroom In high school I was a lifeguard and constantly peed in the pools and on the slides. They forced us to drink a lot of water to stay hydrated but never let us go to the bathroom. I worked at a spa and would steal profes …

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What’s the strange or awkward conversation that took place at your Thanksgiving dinner?   November 28, 2016

We convinced my grandmother that she needed to go on tinder. She got several likes and couple of super likes right away My mom and husband both just got their medical cannabis cards so our Thanksgiving dinner consisted of talking about different strain …

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When did you know he/she was the one?   November 16, 2016

I knew he was the one when I looked over at him in the movie theater and he was sound asleep with his mouth wide open. It was our 2nd date… We were at her house i let one rip and apologized and she says thats it? And lets one rip so loud When he took …

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What was the first date warning sign that you experienced?   November 10, 2016

When he showed up in a conversion van complete with track lighting… and was proud of it. Just. No. Guy bragged about how much money he had and when he was talking his eyes were closed. The weirdest thing! He immediately got possessive and tried to go …

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An unusual punishment you received as a kid   November 7, 2016

On Christmas one year my sister & I literally only got coal in our stockings because we didn’t clean our rooms. Worst Christmas ever. The punishment I gave was I cancelled Halloween for my 8 year old. Picked her up from school and took her home and …

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Your favorite Cubs moment from the 2016 season   November 4, 2016

By far the best Cubs moment of 2016: the Sports Illustrated spread of Arrieta naked pitching. Watching schwarber hit a homerun during spring break and cracking the windshield of the car with the ball. When Rizzo was hanging on Ross’s arm in the dugout, …

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That text you received that wasn’t meant for you.   October 27, 2016

Happy Birthday to the worst friend ever. From my dad: “What’s up sweet cheeks can’t wait for tonight.. love daddy…” This was for my mother “We are here and we’re sitting on your couch.” I keep getting texts from Joe reminding me when and where the bo …

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The way you calm down when you’re full of rage.   October 24, 2016

I calm my rage by playing a video game where I can kill things and scream obscenities at the TV. My husband thinks it’s hilarious. I think about the fact that Britney Spears was able to survive 2007. Wendy’s frosty and fries Calm my rage by holding my …

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I don’t mean to brag but…   October 20, 2016

I don’t mean to brag, but it’s so hard to pick what to wear when my closet is so full of clothes that have gotten too big. I don’t mean to brag, but people always think I am Matt Damon when I go out to bars and restaurants. I don’t mean to brag but I’m …

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What was your nickname as a kid?   October 19, 2016

“Donkey” is my buddy’s name…like donkey from Shrek because he never shuts up. Nickname was “Crotchitch” because no one could pronounce my last name of Krallitsch. My name is Beverly. In grade school, some classmates would call me Beaver. My nickname …

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What were you doing at 10 o’clock Saturday night (when the Cubs hit a grand slam)?   October 19, 2016

At a gentleman club in Racine, Wisconsin. Giving birth!!! In bed drunkenly eating tacos. Drinking BUDMISERS! Eating Pringles and cake in and Uber. Battling my 2 year old during an epic diaper change! Standing on a surf board fully clothed. Emergency Ro …

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