Text Topic of the Day


The Time You Got Sent Home From Work   June 11, 2018

Came in hung over, and was told I look like I was homeless. I got caught with my daughter in my classroom. I teach high school. She was 5. She still remembers the time we got ‘kicked out of school’. I worked at Chuck E Cheese as a birthday hostess my f …

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Someone Asked You To Do What?   June 5, 2018

Coworker asked me to cut a chunk of her hair out from the roots because she wanted to get DNA testing. A complete stranger asked me to make out in the frame isle at a home goods. A good friend in college once asked me to lend him $120 for freeze dried …

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White Lies You Tell Your Kids   May 24, 2018

Remember, you drank all your post baseball gatorade not me. To my toddlers: if you are loud in the bathtub, the bubbles will all disappear. You have to whisper in the bathtub! It worked for almost 3 years. Have a son, “you get to play with ‘it’ only so …

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What Are You Doing That Drives Your Co-Workers Nuts?   May 21, 2018

Steal all the pens! I constantly bitch about the weather. I sing and dance and am happy on a Monday. Only buy coffee for myself. Knuckle cracking. Tap my nails on touch screen register. I like to chime in on their conversations I yell from a distance.. …

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As A Mom… What’s Your Secret?   May 11, 2018

I smacked a friend’s kid once when he threw a shoe at my face.  I joke all the time that my daughter should marry rich, but I’m serious because she’s not real bright. I found out my son has been picking his nose for god knows how long and puts the …

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What Do You & Your Significant Other Do Behind Closed Doors?   May 10, 2018

My husband let’s me pick the dead skin off the bottom of his feet. I love it!!! We like to only talk in different accents. Eat dinner naked and end in a food fight. We talk to each other through our stuffed animals and give them all voices and names. M …

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Song Of The Summer   May 8, 2018

Feels- Calvin Harris, Katy perry, Pharrell Williams She Twerk by Cash Out  Pompeii – Bastille!  Call Me Maybe! Carly Rae  I kissed a girl summer Katy Perry This summers gonna hurt like a mother f-er (Maroon 5)  Beauty and a Beat by …

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Compliment Whip!   May 7, 2018

His voice has never ages He will make a great grandpa one day Whip seems like the kind of guy who gives genuine product reviews of late night QVC products, and how they changed his life I really like the way Whip really cares so very deeply about the n …

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Lies You Don’t Feel Bad Telling   April 30, 2018

I told my kids the ice cream was spicy. That I had to go into work and could not do anything all day so I could sit home and sleep. I told my husband I lost $40 at the casino….it was really $400. Oops. A first date with a guy texted me two hours befo …

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What Turns You On?   April 26, 2018

Someone who has an amazon prime account. I love big ears. Sweaty hockey players. Their love of Disney. Pregnant women, 7, 8, 9 months. Loud engines in mustangs. By watching supernatural and eating peanut butter in my pajamas and bunny slippers. I’m tur …

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What Is The Sexiest Thing A Guy Has Said To You   April 16, 2018

I can’t wait to power wash your insides. I was told that I’m a decent human being with a great butt. Honey, I cleaned the bathrooms today. My husband told me that I was like bacon because I make everything better. You Taste Like Champagne. Can I buy yo …

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What Would You Tell Your Best Friend…But Not Your Significant Other?   April 12, 2018

OMG my friend knows every guy I slept with if my husband knew the total he would have never married me. Channing Tatum is single!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That I have naughty dreams about my brother-in-law. I can discuss rogue nipple hairs with my bff. We talked a …

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A Lie You Told/Were Told On the First Date   April 9, 2018

I once told a guy that my grandma invented the Shamrock Shake for McDonald’s and that’s why she was so rich. I don’t know what possessed me to make that up. My soon to be husband told me his mother was a chef ….. turns out she cooked for a school. 21 …

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Random Compliment You Received   April 5, 2018

I’ve been complimented for my ability to park in the tightest, hardest to fit spaces. My 11 year old son told me that I make the best instant mashed potatoes. I was once told ” you know, your name is Brittany, and you have blonde hair…but you’re actu …

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Rudest Thing a Female Co-Worker Said To You   April 2, 2018

Woman: I like your dress. Me: thanks! It’s from target. Woman: Yes, I can tell it’s not of quality. Me: blank stare. “You don’t measure up to the guys in my group”. Coming from my woman boss! A coworker pointed at my chest and asked “are those real?” I …

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When I Realized It   March 22, 2018

I noticed in the Nissan commercials when they put their website name up, www.nissanusa.com, that the word anus is in there. I never not see it when their commercials are on now. I noticed that Common looks like Frozone from The Incredibles. He probably …

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The Story of The Weird Guy or Girl You Dated   March 1, 2018

When I was a freshman in college I dated a guy who had piercings everywhere. So many that his nickname was Sponge. My dad met him and the look of horror in his face was something I’ll never forget. I went to Catholic school all of my life and dating Sp …

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How Does Your Co-Worker Drive You Crazy?   February 22, 2018

When the whole team replies to all on emails simply say thank you. Every day. Almost every email. Scraping the yogurt bowl after it’s all gone. The sound drives me BONKERS!!! Only having one bathroom and being on the same deuce dropping schedule. When …

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Most Awkward Person You Would Take To Mexico?   February 8, 2018

Well since my wife is pregnant she is out, so I would take her hot sister. My boss – not on good terms due to issues at office – we r not speaking. I would take my ex husband of 28 yrs. I would bring a bridesmaid that I don’t talk to anymore. My softba …

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Worst Parenting Advice?   February 6, 2018

Only God decides when you’re done having children. You won’t use math much in the future but you will need cursive writing – so practice that. The tooth fairy takes their teeth and gives them to babies that don’t have teeth… I used to think that ever …

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#HumbleBrag   February 5, 2018

I changed my college major 5 different times and I still graduated college in 3.5 years. #humblebrag It’s just such a pain for me to find a bikini top that fit my huge boobs! #humblebrag Hate that I have to hunt to find my keys in this cavernous Louis …

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Naughty or Nice List?   January 2, 2018

Naughty because I left class this morning to grab McDonald’s breakfast.  Naughty because my niece was cold and I put a dog sweatshirt on her.  Nice because I started Whip and Melissa’s Apartment on Twitter. Naughty because at night I often pr …

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Tell Us A Story About Your Horrible Boss   September 21, 2017

The Principal I used to work for would save his previously chewed gum behind his ear (he had a shaved head) and talk to employees about their personal hygiene. He didn’t like the scent of my body lotion or another co-workers makeup. Really gross… My …

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What’s The Story He/She Always Tells About Their Ex?   September 19, 2017

He is a geologist and so was his ex. They would always take trips and go Rock hunting or whatever. He would always say how cool at was that she “didn’t mind getting dirty”. Every time he uses his (ugly) Packers blanket he has to remind me that his ex m …

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What’s A Difference Between You and Your Significant Other?   September 14, 2017

My husband loves oysters! I can’t stand them. I won’t even kiss him until he brushes his teeth at least three times! He loves mustard and mustard freaks me out. I exist and he doesn’t lol. I like Bacon, She likes Morning Star Veggie Bacon. Veggie Bacon …

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